The Christmas tree is, as of this morning, down!

I am also down.  As in, the dumps.

I've been grumpy pretty much this whole week.

And then, yesterday, I learned that my close friend's friend/neighbor passed away suddenly.  She was only 49.

We don't yet know what happened, pending the autopsy.  Only that her heart stopped.  She was a mother of two, and a grandmother of one.

The worst part: her youngest son, just 15, found her when he got home from school.  He attempted CPR while waiting for the ambulance.  I feel so terrible for what he must have gone through.

My friends are, of course, having a rough time.  They were close.

I knew the woman who passed away, from seeing her often at my friend's house; and we went on some outings together over the years, including a ski trip this past spring.

But here's the thing: I didn't care for her.

I know it's an awful thing to say, now, but she and I had some minor run-ins over the years and the end result was that I really disliked her.  I don't think it was mutual.  But my friend knew how I felt, so it was sometimes awkward.

Of course my dislike of her wasn't active; I avoided her, but I didn't wish her ill.

I'm not sure if it's my guilt over how I felt about her that is making this so hard, or if I would feel this badly anyway about her sudden death.  I just don't know.



HI! I'm Tabitha said…
dont beat urself up laurie,
you can;t like everyone. As long as you were never hateful or disrespectful clear ur mind and comfort ur friend.
It is so hard to think about someone that young dying suddenly. Then when they aren't someone you really cared for it makes the guilt come out. Don't let it, we can't like everyone and just concentrate on good thoughts for her family.
barb cabot said…
Laurie you are such a good person. I'm sorry for this persons situation, her passing and her son finding her. I'm sure you did the best thing possible by merely avoiding being with her if she was unpleasant. I hope by the time you read this things will be on the upswing. We all have our down moments. This too will change. Sending you good thoughts.
Anonymous said…
Oh Laurie, you are such a tender hearted person. It is perfectly okay not to like another person and if they should pass, it has absolutely nothing to do with how you felt about them. We are all so unique and each here on our individual journeys.

You are doing all you can by supporting your friends in their time of need and that is all anyone could possibly expect.
Anonymous said…
I appreciate your "keepin' it real" (as they say in blog land)! Praying that you will feel more peaceful soon!
Connie said…
I'm sorry you're feeling down Laurie. Hoping you are on the up again shortly. It is a very sad situation.
Micki said…
So sorry that you are feeling down Laurie. I can see that you are having a hard time with that woman's death. I hope you get peace of mind over it.
Pretty Things said…
Oh gosh, I don't even know what to say. And I so wish I did.
Alyssa said…
I'm sorry to hear about her passing. What a shock for her family and young son. And your feelings? There's nothing that says we have to get on with everyone. :)
Linda E. Pruitt said…
We often come up against these tough situations and can't make sense of them. I, also, have one of those now (not including a death). A death would make it so difficult! Sorry for the conundrum that you are in! Blessings, my friend.
Tammy said…
I'm a bit late in catching up on what's going on. Sorry to hear about that. For what it's worth, I think the fact you feel bad about her untimely death shows that you did care about her. Prayers for the family and for your friend.

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