My empty nest
I knew it was coming, and so did you because I've been talking about it for months, haven't I? On Thursday, my son left home to move into the dorms at his college.
I've been anticipating the change and I knew it would be hard, but the reality feels so much worse than what I thought it would be like. I'm kind of surprised that I haven't heard a lot of talk about how awful this transition is from other moms who have already been through it.
Oh, there are a couple of articles on coping with your child leaving home on the Internet that have come my way, but, seriously, there should be whole books. Remember What to Expect When You're Expecting? There needs to be a book like that for this phase of life, too. It could be called something like, What You Need to Know to Let Go and it could be filled with sage advice on things like how to stop listening for them to come home every night, and what to do with all the extra milk in the refrigerator.
There could be charts showing milestones and when to expect them -- like the first time you come across his favorite snack in the grocery aisle without tearing up, and that moment you actually feel happy to have the TV all to yourself.
There would need to be a whole chapter on ways to not be clingy/needy, including a checklist for not calling, emailing and/or texting your kid multiple times a day, with a chart that shows you just how long is long enough to wait to make that first, post dorm drop-off contact.
Such a book might even lay out a timeline for how long it might take to stop feeling so sad. During week one, expect to feel your heart in your throat at the sight of your child's empty bedroom. By the end of week three, your chest should feel less like it has been cut open and more like healing has begun. Until this happens, avoid laying on your child's bed clutching his pillow as it could lead to more frequent bouts of sobbing and self-pity.
This is day four. I think I have a long way to go!
Oh, there are a couple of articles on coping with your child leaving home on the Internet that have come my way, but, seriously, there should be whole books. Remember What to Expect When You're Expecting? There needs to be a book like that for this phase of life, too. It could be called something like, What You Need to Know to Let Go and it could be filled with sage advice on things like how to stop listening for them to come home every night, and what to do with all the extra milk in the refrigerator.
There could be charts showing milestones and when to expect them -- like the first time you come across his favorite snack in the grocery aisle without tearing up, and that moment you actually feel happy to have the TV all to yourself.
There would need to be a whole chapter on ways to not be clingy/needy, including a checklist for not calling, emailing and/or texting your kid multiple times a day, with a chart that shows you just how long is long enough to wait to make that first, post dorm drop-off contact.
Such a book might even lay out a timeline for how long it might take to stop feeling so sad. During week one, expect to feel your heart in your throat at the sight of your child's empty bedroom. By the end of week three, your chest should feel less like it has been cut open and more like healing has begun. Until this happens, avoid laying on your child's bed clutching his pillow as it could lead to more frequent bouts of sobbing and self-pity.
This is day four. I think I have a long way to go!
Comments
I never felt that way when my kids left
My hardest thing was when my youngest daughter married and moved 3 hours away I cried for a month LOL
Brace yourself Laurie you will be just fine, be glad he's at college getting an education to provide for him and his family to come. Just think your future daughter in law may be at that very college
Just go make me a lace book and you will feel better xoxox
Janice
Your son will begin to really miss you about Labor Day - oh, he will be having fun but what about that favorite treat you made him or those comic books you always got on to him about leaving around...........my dad had my mom pick up little trinkets and treats for me from the time I left until a few days before Labor Day - It was about the size of a shoebox.
When it arrived on the Friday before the very first holiday I would spend away from my friends and family - I laughed and cried and ate my favorite cookies (Pinwheels) even though they were smashed a bit. They put in a little extra cash (it was a $20 each time) I called home and had a good talk with my parents.............it made them feel better and me too.
My mom told me later that when she would send me those packages (once a month! and I anticipated every single one!) she somehow felt closer. She would put funny sayings and sweet notes that reminded me that she and dad loved me even if I messed up a big test. My friends were jealous and it kept me from getting into much trouble.
I continues that with my daughter and I fully expect her to carry that one with the little grandson grows up and goes to college.
Choosing a few things for the care package always kept the upset feelings at bay for a little while........try it!